They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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