I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
