did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
