I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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