he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
