i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
