i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
