I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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