One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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