u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
