it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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