I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
