Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
