So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
