if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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