I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
