Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
