Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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