You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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