I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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