i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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