"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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