Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
