I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
