i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
