it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
