bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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