he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
