dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
