Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
