The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
