Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
