So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
