Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
