morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
