Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
