afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
