Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
