Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
