you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
