Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
