Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
