i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
