my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
