You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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