The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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