Kiss
Puke
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
