You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
