i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
