Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
