I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
