So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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