I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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