i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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